richmilner asked: One of your arms is replaced by a tentacle OR one of your legs is replaced by a pneumatic drill. You have to choose one and then a song from the musicals to perform a song and dance to with your new appendage. If you don't do this British television will go extinct.
But what if I want British television to go extinct because that means Steven Moffat will be ruining fewer things?
Replace one of my arms with a tentacle, and then I perform The Confrontation from Les Mis as Javert, with my tentacle creepily menacing Valjean the whole time. ‘Valjean, at last, we see each other plain…’ as the tentacle strokes Valjean’s face.
I have never seen any iteration of Les Mis.
I asked what female comedians they had managed to book for the gig, they said zero. They said they weren’t allowed to book women comedians. All male line up only. Hold up…so they only women allowed on the stage are the ones taking their clothes off? They said all this and then asked me what MY problem was.
Reblogged myself (in effect) twice in one day. Feels good.
Award winning Canadian comedian Bobby Mair closed the gig last night and if you missed him you can buy his new album. For 50p, which is too cheap. Pay more than that. Here’s some praise for him:
‘He is the heir to Doug Stanhope, but no mere clone or wannabe. Bobby Mair is definitely his own comic.’ ★★★★ – Kate Copstick, The Scotsman
‘Left the audience wiping away tears of laughter’ – Broadway Baby
‘Bobby Mair performs with an invigorating blast, both energetic and slick’ – Chortle
‘Mair exudes a kind of effortless awkwardness that has served some of stand-up’s greats so well down the years, and yet brings to it something fresh and downright disturbing. A bright, dark future surely awaits.’ – The Stage
Listen/purchase: Bobby Mair: Obviously Adopted by Bobby Mair
I love Bobby, he’s funny and kind and always gives me a hug. So that’s another reason you should check this out.
Look at the Breaking News caption.
Look at the way an invasion and occupation has become so normalised that sporting terminology is used to describe patterns in conflict.
What next? Here’s what:
"Axis Of Occupation today announced a series of playa transfers, bring depth and strength to the squad ahead of the next season. The Disallied Insurgency, which lost a number of highly valued members of the team at the end of the last season, will be looking to sign replacements and maintain the capacity to hit their opponents hard on the counter strike"
Listen/purchase: Nothing Will Ever Be Alright Again Ever by Michael J Dolan
This is not to do with this month’s gig being tomorrow, 8pm, the Red Deer. This man has performed at Square Hole a few times and is great. Worth the tiny minimum fee and then some.
I recommend this at you.
You might object here that Tories are “evil” in that austerity is doing real damage. True. But this omits two points. First, they are not pursuing austerity because they want to hurt people, but because they believe it will do good; this is an intellectual error, not a moral failing.Stumbling and Mumbling: Evil Tories?
Secondly, austerity is not the only - or even main - cause of our woes. Capitalism was ailing well before Osborne became Chancellor. In this sense, talk of “evil” Tories does capitalism a favour, by deflecting attention away from its systemic shortcomings.